Let Go

Why is it always easier said than done?

I've been sayin this phrase far too many times as I'd liked to remember. When I think back, at times I do blame myself for not being able to stay grounded on the decision that I've made. How many times have you told friends who are always worried bout you that you are REALLY SERIOUSLY goin to give up this time? That you KNOW very well that lettin go is the ONLY decision that you should be makin? But you still so stupidly let yourself sink deeper n let everyone see that you're drownin yet they can't do anythin to save you?

Sometimes love is really not everythin in a relationship. You may love each other till death do you apart, but there are always other influences surroundin it. I've learned this the hard way n honestly, it took me wayyyy too long to realise it, even though I know it. Sounds confusin?

One friend told me it was because I m too loyal that I allowed myself to immerse knowingly into this. Am I? I do doubt, you know? When all everyone told me was somethin good. Only I know what really happened or am I truly aware?

Things get complicated by day but everyone's thoughts n perceptions are the same. Yes, I was brought up to be responsible for my own decisions and actions that no one's point of views should be embedded in mind. I should be listenin to my own heart n mind but what wrong does it make to listen when what others think are exactly the same as what was in mind? Honestly, what others think is not the crucial point, what I need was just a knock in the head so that some senses may flow out of it n of course, an action will follow through it.

I understand that it may be really hard to convince everyone that I m all grown up and that I know the consequence of my decision this very time. The decision is solely mine and I will not blame anyone if there's no trust in me. That's why I need time. Alot of time, perhaps? If only it can be measured.

I have absolute belief that I m baffling myself as well as everyone else who is readin this right now. Guess three in the mornin is definitely a no-no to update blog. Hope my mind clears off after tonight.

Have a paper later at 9am. Wish me luck!