Imma Be A Liger

I have always prided myself on being a Leo. For Leo is the lion and lion to me is fierce, confident, dignified and strong. And that's exactly what I aimed to be and still aiming to be.

Back in my younger years, I used to read those daily horoscopes religiously. Everyday when I flipped open the newspapers, I would dived straight into the horoscope section. Word by word I absorbed them thoroughly into my mind. And then I stopped. Just like that. Not sure why though, but my vague memory of it gently reminds me that it was because of my religion.

And then there are the Chinese zodiac signs, in which I would be automatically glued to the Channel 8 countdown programme on Chinese New Year Eve for the yearly predictions. I was always waitin to see if I got 桃花运 not. Lol. Those were the naive and innocent and single years.

Surprisingly or rather not, I was born in the year of Tiger. So I am known as a Leo Tiger or Liger (lion+tiger geddit?) as I affectionately named myself. As though being born under one fire sign is not prideful enough, therefore I considered myself lucky to be born under TWO. It's not that easy you know?

I m so strong-headed and stubborn that I sometimes piss people around me so much I drive them to the wall. I love testing patience and creatin dramas when there are clearly none in the first place. Only after the drama has been created and volcano has erupted then I'll be satisfied. Omgdness, soundin like a psycho now. But this is exactly what I read on certain websites about my liger characteristics which I believed depicted me perfectly.

I m not someone who take criticism lightly. In fact I take every comment/opinion directed towards me to heart and that is so wrong because I m only goin to create more unhappiness in myself. I m not so proud to admit that I m a good actress, I hide my unhappiness really well. To be brutally honest, I kinda dislike the me who take everythin seriously and end up makin my life so miserable.

Then again, all these emotions are only shown to people really close to me, like family and besties. As for my other half, for the first three months a.k.a the honeymoon period, I'll be on my best behaviour and then after that, I will show my true colours /no

However despite all the criticisms that has been thrown at me i.e. fat, dramatic, blunt, sensitive etc, I can still sometimes laugh them off and all will be well except for one. All but one. Calling me an emotional freak.

To me, being emotional is equivalent to being negative. And so I really really hate it when being told that I m temperamental. Yes, I do cry when I feel overwhelmed, but that only happens when I m havin PMS and yes, I do throw tantrums, but which girl does not do that? So what makes me an emotional person?

When the first person told me that he could not be on my emotional rollercoaster together with me two years ago, I couldn't believe my ears back then. And he had to say it out after our breakup. So I shrugged it off, reassurin myself I m not the sort of person and at the same time hatin that person for his ridiculous comment.

Fast-forward to now, I have not heard of that comment since then until last night. 자기야 said it to me. Though I wasn't at all surprised since I was being pretty hard on him lately, testin his patience and all but my pride decided to be oh-so-righteous and took it upon itself to seek revenge. Cold war.

To be fair, I was already feelin extremely stressed out about lots of stuff and havin him labelled me as an emotional freak when he clearly knew what was goin on in my life right now, a cold war is pretty much justifiable.

Perhaps, just maybe, it's time for me to reflect upon myself and stop acting as though the whole world has owed me zillions. That being said, I m still a very much positive and optimistic person to everyone else.

Need to pray for a bigger heart in 자기야.